Everyone enjoys a luxurious weekend in a fancy hotel. The room is perfect, the service is top-notch, there are a mini bar and a spa, what more could you want?
While most people are on their best behavior when they’re staying in a hotel, for others, it can bring out their absolute worst. These 30 hotel workers share the most memorable and craziest stories from their years in the industry, which range from totally bizarre, completely hilarious, deeply troubling, and 100% NSFW. Read at your own risk, and remember: Just because a hotel room looks clean doesn’t mean previous guests didn’t do horrendous things in it.
You might want to invest in one of those blue lights to pack in your suitcase for your next vacation, just to be safe.
“We had a guest we ended up calling ‘Pie Guy’.”
“He would come into the hotel without a reservation, pay in cash + the $100 cash deposit and the next day we would find his bathroom and bathtub full of the remains of several expensive pies. He never came to the desk for his deposit, as he knew he wouldn’t be getting it back.
We added his name to our “do not rent” list but he kept coming back and using different names. One time we found a torn up list in his room with the words “pie” and “pants” scribbled over and over again.”-ladywug
“This one lady came into the lobby around 11 pm, asked for the workout room so I opened it back up for her figuring she was one of those 24hr workout people.”
“I went back in around 3 am to close it up again, and she has set up a bed for herself on the treadmill. Ended up giving her our last room after she had a fight with her husband and was refusing to sleep with him.”-greenmouse19
“Had a guy in a very upscale hotel (> $1500/night) sit in the lobby and smoke several Cuban cigars and drink ~1L of Patron.”
“I guess he had to use the bathroom, so he made his way to the bell stand to ask where the toilet is. After asking and making his way down the stairs, the bellman smelled something and saw a turd on the floor in front of his stand.
The gentleman was still walking downstairs and was leaving a trail of turds behind him. He was wearing long pants and they were just tumbling out of the leg hole every few feet or so. He made it to the bathroom and proceeded to smear his s*** ridden mess all over the walls of the stall. He left the mess and his pants for housekeeping to clean up.
Once presented with the bill for cleaning the next day, he threatened to write a bad review, since he was a hotel critic and all.
He was blacklisted and never got his pants back.”-Starkeye311
“I had a weird guest who was part of a land survey crew that would come in every week.”
“One time she called the front desk and said, “There are bubbles in my toilet. Why are there bubbles in my toilet?”
I told her they might have flushed the water pipes (BSing). She then says, “Hold on, I’m going to bring some down.” I said, “Ma’am, that’s really not necessary,” but she was already off the line. About 5 minutes later she comes down the elevator with a wineglass full of clear water.
“Well, it was bubbly a minute ago!” I had to walk in the back and beat my head against the wall for a bit.”-dsetech
“While we had a wedding on in the function suite the manager got called through to the restaurant to deal with a woman who was shouting and refusing to leave.”
“She was wearing a dressing gown and wasn’t making a whole lot of sense. The manager finally calmed her down and managed to escort her to reception. While she was sat in reception and the manager was trying to ascertain whether she was a guest or not she started making strange moaning sounds.
The manager asked her if she was okay and she replied very matter of factly “Oh yes, I’m just having an orgasm”. She proceeded to piss herself and was escorted away by police. Fun day.”-damnablefudger
“So I worked valet at this fancy hotel in Virginia and one Friday evening this really nice old couple pulls up and gets us to unload their bags and park the car, all the stuff you do at a fancy hotel.”
“Later that night, they have a nice dinner and drinks out on the town and return to the hotel.
The next morning, someone sees a note on their door that says, “Do not enter, call the police”. It turns out that one of the old people was diagnosed with a terminal, incurable disease and they decided to take cyanide and both go out together after a nice evening, instead of letting the disease win.
The weekend after this happened, the room was reopened and no one even knew that it happened.”-rwebster4293
“I work in a country club restaurant that delivers room service to an attached hotel.”
“Once I was let into a room in which a lady in her underwear was lying on the bed. Not too strange actually. What made me pause was the 7 underwear-clad men standing around the room…”-homicidalmayonnaise
“We had hosted a reptile expo in one of our Regency ballrooms over the weekend.”
“The day after they left I stumbled across an almost paralyzed Crested Gecko. I started panicking because I knew nothing about reptiles but I figured it was so easy to catch because it was cold.
I used the heat lamp we had in our kitchen to warm it up for a little bit and then just held it until we got a hold of the correct pet shop who was missing the gecko. But they said they weren’t going to make a 5 hour trip for one gecko and said we could keep it. So that’s the story of how my front desk manager got a free Crested Gecko.”-HadToDelete
“We had a girl dressed/painted as mystique come back to the hotel and completely s*** all over the seat and partly the wall in the women’s lobby bathroom.”
“The walls were also painted blue from her arms.”-Bebollboy
“Had a guest come down at 4 am telling me when he woke up to put his glasses on he noticed on the wall the words “I’m watching you” written.”
“I went with him to take a look and it seemed someone had written it with some invisible glow in the dark pen. He knew it was a joke but still wanted to switch rooms.”-Poutinegravy
“We once had a couple check in at reception and they were given a park and display permit for their car.”
“The hotel only had 3 car parking spaces which are usually reserved during booking. Others have to park on the streets around the hotel, displaying the permits which are provided at cost by the local council.
About 40 minutes later the husband comes to reception shouting and complaining that he’s received a parking ticket and the permit he was given was obviously no good. We asked, did he display it in the window as we had told him to do?
He said of course. He put it in the window as soon as got upstairs to the room. That’s when we realized he’d put it in the bedroom window and not the car window. Still makes me laugh to this day.”-spbslinky
“I worked at a nice hotel in the heart of downtown where I live. Our nicest suite costs between $600-$800 per night depending on the night of the week.”
“One Friday night in the middle of our check-in rush, a nice couple came to the desk, they looked late 20s-ish. Part of our routine is to ask the hotel guests what brought them to the area for their stay. Completely straight-faced, the lady replies, “We are here to conceive our child in the name of Jesus Christ.” I tried not to make a big deal out of it and move on, but I was shocked.
Later that day when housekeeping went into the room, they had left a mess. All over the room, it smelled like rose fragrance oil, and it was dripping off the wall. When they looked closer, the housekeepers noticed the oil was rubbed on the wall in the shape of a cross. These crosses were streaked all over every wall in the room, the mirror, the tables, the windows, everything you can imagine. If there were any demons in that room, there aren’t now!
The oil left a shiny mark on the walls that wouldn’t come off no matter what they tried without trying to strip the paint. They had several of us look around the room because they kept finding oil crosses they had missed. The most awkward part was calling the couple that afternoon and telling them we would need to charge them an additional cleaning fee because we had to repaint portions of the wall where the oil wouldn’t come off.”-booksandboys
“It was my second day of housekeeping, and we get a call from the front desk to go check out this room on the third floor, that it needed to be cleaned, there was pizza everywhere.”
“So we go up there since we have like 4 other rooms to do, and the housekeeping manager tells me to go into the room and just throw the trash away and she’ll come in to finish cleaning it.
There was pizza on the floors, the walls, in the closet, the table, the bed stands, there was spilled soy sauce in the nightstands and the dressers, there was this weird yellow chunky vomit that looked like they ate rice and pizza and threw it up in the sink, the toilet had a weird pink goo on it.
I threw as much away as I could, and we had to get the poor maintenance guy to come take care of everything else, it was so bad. The whole hallway smelled like pizza. I smelled like pizza. And it wasn’t a good pizza, it was like sad vomit pizza from the dumpster.”-Burritoni
“There was this one guy who stayed at least one night every week and he always requested the same room.”
“We thought he was maybe making drug deals or something so we searched the room after he checked out one day. Turns out he was hiding a blowup doll under the mattresses. We threw it away and he only came back once after that. I kinda felt bad for him.”-Lancerman360
“Back in college, night shift front desk worker. Kept getting calls several nights in a row about a noisy cat.”
“At first I was annoyed, because there wasn’t anything I could do about an annoying stray. Finally got enough calls that I told the manager about it. Came in one night, that day management worked the desk and got irritated enough to go check it out.
Turns out we had repaired the ceiling in that room and walled a kitty up in the ceiling. Had to tear out part of it to get it out. That was one very happy, hungry cat. And one pissed manager.”-pinktoady
“I work at a luxury boutique hotel and we had a guest put a false name and credit card down for a room (the room was ~500/night).”
“He was seen with 2 male prostitutes multiple times and was snorting meth in his room. He left the next day, with a trashed room, empty mini bar, and no money to pay for anything because the card was false. Somehow my boss managed to get his passport and scanned a picture, so this guy will never be returning to our hotel.”-loudog1017
“There was a day early on in my career where a guy checked in, left a 100 dollar cash deposit and was in the room for about 5 hours.”
“He stuck his head in the office 5 hours after checking in, said “I’m out, see you next time” and ran off.
We later found that he had literally cut the bed in half, torn every towel, sheet, blanket, and curtain in half and spent a good amount of time pulling up the fake wood plastic flooring. We found s*** wiped all over the bathroom. Floor, shower, sink, under the sink, on the ceiling.
We tore the room apart and now use it for storage.”-Muteent2
“Worked in a cheap hotel in northern Mexico some summers when I was a kid.”
“One day a group of 30-40 men checked in at once and spent the day admiring the most common of hotel appliances like elevators, key card doors, air conditioning, etc. It was fun watching 40-year-old men riding up and down the elevator and trying to create a Facebook profile on the lobby’s computers.
It turned out that they were from a much poorer part of Mexico and were on their way to cross the Rio Bravo illegally. We wished them the best of luck and sent them off.”-nsfpenguins
“I was basically the bellman of a hotel as a summer job during college.”
“We had a couple always come in once a month and request a corner room on the top floor. There was a night where I was sent up to deliver food to them, and they opened the door and I saw a sex swing hitched up to the ceiling. It took a second for me to register what I saw and immediately started laughing as I walked away.”-DonKingsHair
“I was a housekeeper at a hotel.”
“Every time we cleaned a room, we had to make sure there was a Bible in the bedside table (this was in the Southeast United States). One time, there was a convention in town, and the guests stuck pornographic pictures in between the pages of the Bibles.
Also, guests would use the ice buckets as spittoons. It was strange and gross.”-Chipwhich
“A drunk man and his drunk lady were having a major argument about something by the pool.”
“Security and I are walking over and we see the guy grab his girl’s tampon string pull it out and throw it in her face.”-insidethetardis
“I work at a small inn with eleven rooms.”
“We had a guest come in, pay cash for the night and refuse to leave. He lost his key fob to get into the hotel (desk is only manned 8am-10pm) and decided to break into the restaurant next door via the cellar door and defecated on the staircase, went through the employees lockers and stole some of their clothes/drawings, and then broke into the hotel via our shared kitchen.
Our housekeeper discovered the drawings the next morning in his room which that with camera footage linked him to the poop. He also went to the local dive bar and threatened to kill the head bartender three nights in a row. Cops finally picked him up after him staying here for five nights after repeatedly telling us that they couldn’t hold him for anything. His family came by and picked up his possessions and paid his bill in addition to the damage he had done to the room.” –fuck_fate_love_hate
“Was working the evening MOD shift during a wedding.”
“Bride runs in with half her wedding party behind her screaming and cursing. Trying to control the situation, I ask her what happened. There was a guy on the 7th floor above the outdoor reception space that decided to piss off the balcony, and it went all over her and her mom.
I couldn’t stop them from pushing me out of the way and grabbing the elevator to his floor. I just called the cops. By the time they got to the hotel, dude was already knocked out in the hallway.”--PeaSizeInk-
“A businessman from Japan would lay out like 20+ nude polaroid selfies on his bed before he went to work.”
“Management didn’t discover it until we had to evacuate everyone during a fire alarm. Housekeeping never said anything all the times he stayed at our hotel.”–NetflixandChillax
“A guest asked the hotel to buy her three different bottles of lube.”
“As the Bellman, my job was to purchase and deliver said lube. I wonder what the occasion was…”-Nigelle
“As a night audit, I checked in a man who was obviously tweaked to his eyebrows on cocaine.”
“He had a reservation and was nice enough so I checked him in but kept his name and room number on hand just in case. Come the morning I’m tallying receipts for the pay-per-view tally and I discovered the guy had ordered about $500 worth of porn at about an average of 2 minutes a piece. I shared this with the incoming morning manager and after we stopped laughing, we adjusted off the ones measuring 30 seconds or less.”-[deleted]
“We had this drunk cowboy come in on Halloween this year (It wasn’t a costume).”
“He was extremely hammered and was belligerent. After he withdrew money from our atm he decided to start beating on the machine. Started kicking and punching it. Broke the wooden frame around the atm.
Then when he went up to his room he got mad at the elevator buttons and smashed them into the wall. The security tapes were hilarious. This guy could barely stand.”-Subs4life
“Worked at a hostel in Japan.”
“Sex dolls. I guess people come to Japan to stock up on them, found so many empty boxes. Was quite impressed at the varieties, to be honest. You can get anime dolls, animals dolls, even ones based on Japanese porn stars.”-StuOnTour
“I used to be the IT manager at a casino with a hotel.”
“I get called in the middle of the night by security to come to the property. They need the phone records for a specific room for the last two days. I drag myself in and run the reports. The security manager who asked for them is up at the room in question.
The room looked like someone had been brutally murdered in it. There was blood splattered everywhere.
Turns out the guy cut himself up pretty badly, then after bleeding everywhere decides to go for a walk. The police found him a couple of blocks away wrapped in a sheet.
I still have no idea how he was able to walk after losing that much blood.”-cigr
“The Hound from Game Of Thrones had a rant consisting of many words but mostly ‘f***’ as he was leaving the hotel.”
“I was working reception and had checked him in the previous night, on the morning my management had asked me to request a picture once he was checked out. He snapped.
I imagine he was asked a lot the night before (when out in the pubs) and can imagine it gets annoying but shouting loud obscenities in the lobby is also annoying. We joke about it now but will always remember I made The Hound take a temper tantrum.”-danz_nj
If this dinosaur greeted you at the hotels you are about to see, it would not feel out of place.
In fact, a T-rex bellhop would be the least weird thing about these hotels. You might want to sit down for this list.
“If you’re reading this”
Oh heck no. No no no no no. This is disturbing on so many levels. Thank you to the good Samaritan who left this note.
Sample text
It seems as if the person choosing the quote for the wall designs in this hotel wasn’t able to make up their mind.
Far away
How… How are you supposed to go to the bathroom? I guess you’ll just have to predict how much toilet paper you’ll need before you sit down.
Display books
This is a crime. Whoever was involved in the conception and making of this sign should be sent to prison. Books are for reading, not just for display!
Top of the stairs
What is even happening here?! I bet it’s teeny tiny but still outrageously expensive. It is San Francisco, after all.
CPR instructions
Um, this is the best CPR poster I have ever seen in my life. The fact that it’s actually hanging in a hotel is concerning, however.
Locked in
Oh my goodness, what do you even do when you get stuck in the shower?! You don’t have your cell phone on you and you’re butt naked. Thank goodness there was someone else in the room with him.
No exit
You just have to make like Harry Potter and run headfirst into the corner wall. If you hit it just right, you’ll end up outside on the street.
Boiling
That is literally boiling. No human should get in a hot tub that is that hot. That would result in serious injuries.
“Palm tree”
I keep jumping out of my skin from just looking at this photo. I couldn’t imagine actually being in the presence of this spider-looking stitching.
Bloody carpet
This hotel hallway is basically saying, “It’s totally cool if you murder someone in this hotel and have to dispose of the body. Just zigzag the body down the hallway to disguise all the blood.”
Shower head height
Oh man! I’m pretty short, so I never have this problem, but this super sucks! You’d think hotel showers would be tall to cover almost anybody.
Salt and pepper
What a truly odd way to store salt and pepper packets. I wonder if someone was supposed to empty the packets into the shakers but just got super lazy.
Glass door
Why?! Why would any bathroom anywhere have a clear glass door so you can directly see the toilet? No thank you.
Floor windows
What in the world is going on here? Is this a hotel for small dogs and cats? Only they would be able to enjoy the view from these windows.
Magnifying mirror
I would have scared myself so hard if I was brushing my teeth, turned around, and suddenly saw this. No thank you.
Sink hole
This truly does give a whole new meaning to the word sinkhole. Where there was once a sink, there is now a hole.
Ineffective Braille
Braille won’t help anyone if it’s not actually composed of raised bumps. This is absurd!
911
I think there should probably be some sort of delineation between the situations for which one calls 911 and those where you call 0.
Missing the mark
This is…absurd. How does this happen? So many people had to look at this and be like, “Eh, looks fine to me” for some hotel guest to end up in this room.
Weird mug
As someone who recently took up pottery and has begun making ceramics of my own, I know mugs. And this mug is bizarre.
Hair mural
I don’t know what this is supposed to be, but it 100 percent looks like the wall of the shower after I’m done washing my hair.
No more warm water
This would make me so incredibly mad because I am someone who loves to basically scold myself with hot water when I take a shower.
Congrats Tulation
Who’s Tulation? And why are we congratulating her? This is truly something special.
Grass pool
This is the saddest non-pool I have ever seen. Someone had to fill that thing up with dirt. At least it’s still a pool for worms!
Hotel gym
The patheticness of this hotel gym is equal to the patheticness of my attempts to work out when I’m on vacation, so let’s call it even.
Courtyard view
Hey, there is a courtyard view! They just didn’t specify that the courtyard was the Courtyard Marriott.
Gold on gold
Only if you are very rich or have 20/20 vision can you see which direction your room is in. It weeds out those who aren’t worthy of the fancy hotel.
Big breakfast
This is terrible. There’s so much milk for so little cereal.
Share this with someone you want to take a trip with!